Dating in Vietnam

In Hanoi, Saigon and Da Nang, dating apps are part of the mix, alongside the usual: friends, work, university, the gym, hobby groups on Facebook. Being introduced by a friend still carries weight, because someone is vouching for you.

Once you've met, the chat moves to Zalo, Vietnam's main messaging app. The first questions are practical, and some come sooner than you might expect: are you single, where are you from, how long have you been here.

Strangers and new friends use bạn and mình, or anh, chị and em depending on age. A couple usually settles on anh for the man and em for the woman. The switch itself is a signal: when she starts calling herself em with you, something has changed.

If the woman is older, some couples keep chị and em for a while, and many switch to anh and em anyway. Not sure? Ask. It's a normal question, and a slightly sweet one. Our guide to Vietnamese pronouns has the full picture.

The classic first date is coffee. It's low pressure, there's a café on every corner, and it's easy to stay three hours or leave after one drink. Dinner, a film or a walk by the river come next. Street food dates are common and fun, so don't assume you need a fancy restaurant to impress.

On the date itself, ask questions and listen. Hometown, family, food and travel are safe, happy topics. Politics and money are best left for later.

On early dates the man often pays, or at least offers, and many people still see it as good manners. Plenty of younger couples split the bill or take turns, though, and offering to pay your share is always appreciated.

The key word is mời, to invite. If someone says anh mời or em mời, they're paying. Arguing over the bill is a friendly ritual in Vietnam, with friends as much as with dates. If she insists, let her, and get the next one.

Expect a lot of messages, full of small questions: what are you doing, have you eaten, are you home yet. They aren't checking up on you. For many people, this is simply how care is shown, and a good-night message can matter more than a long conversation.

Replying hours later, or leaving someone on seen, is read as cooling off. You'll also meet a whole shorthand of abbreviations, which our texting abbreviations list decodes.

Holding hands is fine anywhere. Kissing in public is still uncommon, and big displays of affection in front of older people make everyone uncomfortable. Asking before you hold a hand or go for a kiss is normal and welcome.

Many young Vietnamese live with their parents until they marry, so there may be a time to be home, and dates often end with a ride home on the back of a motorbike. Respecting that curfew earns you points you can't see yet.

Family opinion matters a lot in Vietnam, and parents usually want to know who their son or daughter is seeing. Meeting the family, ra mắt, is a real step: it means things are serious, and it often happens around Tết. Before that, you may meet siblings or cousins, who report back.

Relatives may ask when you're getting married sooner than you'd expect. Bao giờ cưới? is a classic question at any family gathering, and a polite laugh is a perfectly good answer. When the big day comes, read our guide to meeting your partner's family.

Vietnamese politeness can make a no sound soft. Hôm khác nhé (another day) said once is a maybe. Said every time, it's a no. If someone tells you they have a partner or aren't interested, accept it and move on: pushing never changes the answer.

The reverse matters just as much. If someone makes you uncomfortable, these phrases are clear and firm, and it's fine to use them. The app's Dating & slang phrasebook has a whole section on saying no, with recorded audio.